Fi collected her belongings and deleted all evidence of her personal affairs from the computer. Despite having only recently been promoted from volunteer to paid assistant, this was no easy task: she was logged in to six or seven accounts and her desk was adorned with dozens of trinkets, plastic replicas of objects she felt were the best expressions of her soul—a Gameboy, Lisa Simpson, replica McDonalds fries in miniature, and almost the entire bubble-headed main cast of Buffy: The Vampire Slayer (she was missing Xander). Unceremoniously stuffed in her bag as she rushed down the stairwell instead of risking run-ins on the elevator, these objects made a sound like two wet, sandy hands, rubbed together. She made it to the tram stop with no tears shed. Emboldened, Fi extracted and put on her over-head earphones, whipped out her phone like a knife, thumbed her passcode, then stared at the little app squares, blank. The tram she needed to catch from the city to the north came and went and she contin ued staring at her phone. Time passed. She put her phone back in her pocket and began walking next to the tram line, bag bouncing away from her body then falling heavy on her hip.
Was it possible, could she concede, she had—maybe—done the wrong thing? Was it an impulsive, thoughtless (drunk) thing to have done? Could she have kept her job if she’d apologised? She didn’t linger on this last thought, did not allow herself to acknowledge it, to hear it properly. With her noise-cancelling headphones in she also couldn’t hear: the rumble of traffic, a cat somewhere yowling in pain or heat, the squawk of a seagull, determined to hold his own amongst the pigeons.
Fi walked, tried not to compulsively plan. This had always been a problem for her, the planning. The fretful considering of every mental eddy of possibility; it was how, when she felt life began to slip out from under her, she tried to regain control. She could move back in with her parents, haul ass back to the deep suburbs. But: she’d stayed in her childhood room until the age of twenty-one, what would that look like, crawling back after only four months out?
This is an edited extract from The Temperature by Katerina Gison (Simon & Schuster), available now at your local independent bookseller.
